Still Not Happy With Baseball

Do you see the size of his head? Hilarious, how times have changed (I guess).

For my first post in three years (well technically second) how appropriate to examine what I wrote a little less than three years ago about what some people still call America's pastime: baseball. Three years ago I couldn't stand the game of baseball as a league; and I hate to say that it hasn't gotten any better.

A bit of a disclaimer here: I am a total bandwagon Mariners fan. Sure, I'll attend 3-4 games a season and have a good time, but most of that time is spent at the bar in center field drinking warm flat beer and heckling who ever is playing center. If and when they ever make the playoffs again, I'll watch and pull for them; but right now they could call up Jesus Christ himself and I probably still wouldn't watch if there's something else more worthwhile on TV (NBA Playoffs, John and Kate Plus 8...wait.....)

(I wonder what kind of player JC would be? My first thought is lead off because he is likely pretty skinny; but then again, he is the almighty and could have a sick cutter or be a power hitter 'cause he's JC. One thing's for sure, his presence would make all the players that said they were "crucified" by the Mitchell report feel pretty bad. Anyway...)

Now to the three year old suggestions for Mr. Selig, now officially the second worst Commissioner in sports behind David "The Sonic Bandit As--ole" Stern.

1. Enact a Salary Cap

Well, the NFL is still the best business model in US sports and the MLB still does not have a salary cap. There is no indication that the league itself is moving towards a cap, however, they may not have to at this point. The last free agency period was really telling in terms of the teams. Raul Ibanez practically ganked his contract from the Phillies before the economy tanked. Then teams were actually financially savvy by driving down the values placed on certain positions and performance.

The economy was a good excuse, but I think it also comes down to what the Rays did last season, and what the Marlins have done in the past. Yeah, but there is also one less talked about aspect to examine; the effect that an overpaid player has on your fan base. For one, they're probably roiding which is telling that 8 year old above the dug out that cheaters prosper and get paid $10 large an inning to be a jackass. Secondly, they'll never live up to the expectations of their contract. For further review see Silva, Sexson, Johjima and Beltre (not for roiding, but for the expectation aspect). Thanks Bavasi, thanks for everything.

1b. Re-alignment

I still like this suggestion, however, I realize that this would have an adverse effect on the league if practically employed. You'd try to make your roster crappy, but not as crappy as the teams behind you. There's no real incentive to spend money if this were to happen. In an ideal world....

2. Drug Tests Every Week Every Year

I think we may have finally turned the corner on this one when we have Manny Ramirez getting busted for using weiner medications. Personally, I didn't think that Manny would have the mental capability to try the system. Yeah, yeah, I know the banned substance was used to recover from long term roid use, but it's a good sign that Selig is willing to not only test, but suspend one of the best hitters in the game over the past decade.

3. Lifetime Ban for first offense

Now that I work in the field of law, I do believe in second chances. I think the first time 50 game ban is a winner. Way to be Bud.

4. Replay

Holler. Ding ding ding! We now have home run replay. Called it. Winner. I'm still for replay in field calls in the 7th, 8th and 9th innings in four run games. I liken it to automatic review in the final two minutes in NCAA and NFL.

5. Less Games

I now realize why there are so many games in baseball, it is the economics of the sports. Baseball is largely ticket driven so each club needs to make their own money (for the most part) as opposed to the NFL in which each club makes about the same in ticket sales (save Buffalo and NO) but the majority of the income is from FOX, CBS, NBC and ESPN.

Even if MLB cut the games in half, they wouldn't receive any more money per game in a TV contract even though there is less quantity for consumers to consume. Nor would the ticket sales go up enough to cover the loss of 41 home games; even with higher ticket prices.

Anyway, I know I give baseball a hard time, but I still think it is flawed enough to complain. However, I admit that the MLB is a strong organization and it's like pointing out a stitching flaw in an Aston Martin bucket seat.

Herm

The Return

OK, I admit, I've been kind of busy...for three years I guess.

I found out that I missed writing on a daily basis about something I actually care about (sports) so I've decided to get back to it.

I won't update on a daily basis, but I will try to get to this as much as possible.......

Why Baseball Sucks (and How I Would Fix It)

Baseball sucks. Now, I’m not against the game itself or most of the players that participate, but rather it’s about how baseball is run. The game has been taken away from the people and the players and placed in the hands of a few owners. Selig has done nothing to improve the game, and is currently running it into the ground. The only thing that has been improved is the talent of the players and even then there are either question marks about performance enhancers or the most talented play for the large market teams.

Now, what to do about all of these problems? There are some easy solutions that will never happen as long as the owners are in charge of the decision making and the power is not in the hands of a capable commissioner.

1. For the love of God, enact a salary cap.
Now, I think most (all of those who are smart) would agree with me that as a business and an entertainment product, the NFL is the best run league in the world. This happens for two reasons: 1) a salary cap; and 2) non-guaranteed contracts (more about this later). The Yankees, the Red Sox and other large market teams are killing this league and MLB is doing nothing about it because the owners are reaping the rewards. Because there is no limit on the amount that can be spent, the large market teams are able to drive up the price for player salaries, creating an economic vacuum that drives the overall price for all players.

Check the stats since the day that YES network was started, there has been exponential growth in average player salaries due to the Yankees driving up the price. I don’t place all the blame on Steinbrener, he’s smart and took advantage of a business model and created a superior product. When that happens in normal business situations, we have something called the Anti-Trust wing of the Federal Trade Commission to protect all businesses in that given sector from practices that are intentionally driving out the competition through unfair practices. MLB and Selig should act on behalf of all markets to regulate their industry, but they have not. If something is not done soon, small market owners will not be able to keep up and we may lose some of the most historical clubs in MLB: Kansas City, Minnesota, Oakland, Philadelphia, and Cleveland.

(Side Note: The Florida Marlins are a game behind .500 and threw a no hitter tonight….on a payroll that is $500,000 less that Adrian Beltre’s salary....in front of 6,123 fans)

1b. Because you greedy owners would never do this, at least re-align the leagues based on payroll.
Now, personally (patting myself on the back) this is really not a bad idea. With payroll parity it would be far more competitive for Tampa Bay dealing with KC and Cleveland that New York and Boston. Why would you even go to a Tampa Bay game? It’s futile, their fans can’t have playoff hopes. At least this would give them hope.

2. Drug tests once a week for every player…all year

3. Permanent lifetime ban for the first violation (with evidence surrounding actual knowledge or “wishful bliss” standard; i.e. “I just took what the trainer gave me, I didn’t know what was in there”)
I don’t think I need to explain the reasoning behind these two, this has got out of hand. Enough is enough, get the Bonds, McGuires, Giambis, Palmeros, even the Strongs and the Franklins out of here. This reminds me of Bill and Hilary, Hilary lets it ride (pardon the pun) in order for her benefit. Homeruns bring in viewers, Selig is happy. That’s right Selig; I compared you to Hilary Clinton. Booyah.

4. Replay—(non pitching calls)
Simple, first base close call? Replay. Did the OF make that catch? Replay. Was it over the fence? Replay. Was the ball in the glove? Replay. Did that chick really have her top off in section 342? Replay.

5. Less Games
You can never have too much of a good thing. Well baseball sucks, so I’m having way too much crap (and trust me, I crap a lot already), so we don’t need to worry about this cliché. 162 games, seriously, 162 games. Does that not sound like too many to anyone? The insignificance of a game on any given day, except for the very few at the end of the year for a few teams, creates a mundane product. How much does anyone care about an M’s – Tampa Bay match-up this time of year? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Now, non-guaranteed contracts in the NFL also need work, so I won’t recommend them at this time.

OK, get pissed, it’s cool. I’ll be honest, I enjoy baseball, but not nearly as much as football, basketball or even croquet. Sorry.

Herm

Seattle Shocker!!!!

It’s a great day to be Shaun Alexander and a bad day to be a cowboy…

Two shockers occurred this evening, the first involved a car accident and Three Six Mafia the second involved the NFL MVP.

Brokeback Mountain, a great film that, yes, I have seen, lost to late riser Crash for best picture at the Oscars. Yes, they were both great films, but Crash was far better as a film. Brokeback was one dimensional but it had the Oscar caliber shock factor because it involved gay cowboys. Crash, meanwhile, featured a rap artist, racists and a bullet proof blanket that made everyone watch. However, the biggest shocker of the night was that Three 6 Mafia, I did not misspeak, Three 6 Mafia, won an Oscar. Mafia was known previously for “Sippin’ On Some Sizuryp” and “Don’t Save Her”, but they will now be known for the captivating track about how a pimp puts his ho in line called “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp” from the film Hustle and Flow. This lyrical tale gave Three 6 Mafia more Oscars than Martin Scorsese.

Now to the world of sports. Seattle came through to their MVP RB Shaun Alexander, inking him to an 8-year (8 YEAR) deal worth $62 million with $15 million guaranteed up front. Shaun can flash those pearly whites for a long time in Seattle, this deal will likely ensure that Alexander will retire with the same team that drafted him in 2000. Moreover, this deal closes up a lot of questions for the Seahawks that can now focus their attention to other areas on the field.

It is very likely that Mack Strong, Jurevicius, Manuel and Hutchinson will all remain Seahawks at the end of the free agent signing period. Looking at our roster with those players locked in, the Seahawks could field a team that is a shoo in for the NFL playoffs. However, the Seahawks have cash to spend and a draft coming up. In other words, Seattle is by far the best off team coming into the free agency period and the NFL draft. With no key deletions (well, Rocky Bernard is likely gone), the Seahawks have A LOT of options. Here are a few suggestions:

Sign FAs DT Sam Adams, SS Lawyer Milloy and bring them home

Defense wins championships. We’ve all heard it. However, some in Seattle will beg to differ on the side of bad calls can win championships (see the Steelers). With money to burn, the on holes that need to be filled lie on the defensive side of the ball. You can never have enough defensive players on your roster and FA should cover this for the Hawks. We benefited from this last year in our defensive secondary and we will probably need some help again this year. Sam Adams is huge (6-4 328) but is deceptively quick on the inside.

He can stop the run, and rush the passer. However, we won’t need him to be an every down DT like he was in Buffalo. Injuries shortened his season last year, but when he was in, he was still effective. SS Ken Hamlin may not be ready to open next year (or to play again) so we are in need for a SS/FS. It may be ideal to address this problem in the draft with the FS/SS pool deep, but former UW Husky Lawyer Milloy is an effective veteran (160 tackles last year) that can provide some experience to our young secondary. By bringing in these veterans to our defense, the Seahawks could help their young players (Taputu, Trufant, Babineaux, Hill, and Boulware) get better.

Go after CB Willie Williams, DT La’Roi Glover and DE Brady Smith

Willie Williams was a former Hawk and the 11 year vet could provide some depth at a reasonable price. Glover and Smith may command a greater price, but if we have the cash, Glover could be worth it. Smith would be our third DE so he may not want to sign to be our rotation DE.

Sign a back-up running back

Mo Morris is probably gone because he may get a chance to start on another team. RBs are a dime a dozen in the NFL and the veteran names Stephen Davis and Mike Anderson come to mind as possible back-ups to Shaun Alexander for the right price. A more likely move is devoting a second round pick to a RB because the field is so deep (Harrison from WSU anyone?).

NFL Draft: Stick with the game plan, go with the best player available

The Seahawks have had stellar drafts in the past, and the game plan has always been the same, draft the best player available in the first round. We didn’t need a RB in 2000 (we just signed Ricky Watters) but Shaun Alexander was still available when our pick came up. We did it last year with Chris Spencer and we should do that this year. Our first round pick will likely be an offensive player because this draft is deep with RB and TE talent. Because so many QBs, RBs, and TEs will draw attention, the most talented wide-outs and guards may still be available. Look for the Hawks to take Florida wide-out Chad Jackson if he is still around, USC guard Taituisti Latui or Norte Dame TE Anthony Fasano.

The second round pick will be devoted to a hole that we have (OG, WR, DT with lesser needs at RB and QB) if we hadn’t addressed it in the first round. A DT pick is very likely here, look for Michigan’s Gabe Watson’s name to be called if he’s still on the table.

Herm

Olympics Extravaganza!!!!

Ok Ok, I know, I know…

Herm, why haven’t you updated in so long?

Well it’s like this; I really have been just lazy. There, you happy? The Superscam, I mean bowl, got me down. Then the Huskies dropped three in a row. I was so distraught that I turned to the Olympics. Yes, the winter Olympics; sports that Americans pay attention to once every four years. I am not ashamed I am a fair weather fan, I watch once every four years. Isn’t that enough? I mean, how much entertainment can you get watching cross country skiers regularly? We don’t live in Norway, we have technology called electricity and TV in this country so we have alternatives, i.e. Nintendo. But I guess these sports are a big deal in Europe, so it’s up to the U.S. to put Europe back in its place.

Yeah I’m talking to you France. What are you going to do? Throw croissants and cheese at me? I thought you were pacifists? Just remind me, what country bailed your ass out in WWI and WWII? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Get back to making cognac for Snoop D-O Double G and Bellevue wannabes at the Parlor.

Everyone who’s anybody knows my dream. It is to do two chicks at the same time. OK kidding, shameless Office Space quote. It is really to win the lottery. I didn’t win the super megaball $367 mill payout (someone in Nebraska did) but a man can dream can’t he? Well, if I won, I would devote four years of my life to winning an Olympic gold. I’m still 23, so I have some athleticism in my 5’11” 195 lbs. frame. Here is my survey of the possibilities:

The Luge
At the fraternity, I was a luge champion. So I sit down to watch the luge and I realize a frat luge is much different than a Olympic luge. Instead of drinking a shot of alcohol and juice that is run down a 500 lb. block of ice like a frat luge, an Olympic luge requires too much work. The Germans and Austrians have a lock on the gold, so I’m gonna have to pass.

The Two Man Luge
See above, plus it’s just a little too Brokebacky for me. No offense

The Skeleton
Yeah, right. 83 mph headfirst, four inches above the ice? I’m just going to be honest with myself, I really don’t have the balls.

Figure Skating
Ballet on the ice. I could probably be OK at this. The killer for me was that I’d probably have to hang out with Johnny Wier. No offense to swans or anything, but I don’t have a list of favorite designers, therefore, nothing to talk about.

Ice Dancing
I know what you’re thinking; but two words. Tanith Belbin. What you thinking now?

Alpine Skiing
I originally thought no one this one, but then I heard Bode’s comments and I got intrigued. Skiing, drunk? I do that all the time in Whistler! I can do that! Then I reminded myself of my skiing prowess which includes such accolades like making it down a blue run… falling only twice. I guess this one’s out.

Speed Skating
Sorry, not into the soul patch.

Snowboarding
Yeah dude! Like, totally getting some wicked air and getting some massive grindage on the rails foo. As much as I’d like to be associated with pothead losers that have never heard of a haircut or math, I’ll have to pass. I just think about sitting on the team bus with Shaun White and telling me about his snack attack at 2:30am he had the previous night after getting into the Pink Floyd Wall DVD. It would probably entail Cheese-Its, thirty Jack in the Box Tacos, and flour tortillas from a ziplock Stayfresh bag that he tore open because he was so blazed he didn't know how to operate a ziplock.

Snowball Fighting
Ok, just making sure you’re paying attention. I think that if I had that kind of money I could get the Olympic committee to pick the sport up. I am a mean snow fighter (the official term for a professional snowball athlete). I am of the cut of Jeff Daniels on Lauren Holly in Dumb and Dumber. Watch out Vancouver 2010.

The Biathlon
Now I was under the impression that the Olympics foster peace and love and all of that lame stuff. But for those of you who aren’t familiar with the biathlon, it’s got guns. Yeah guns. You get to shoot stuff. I mean, this sport is so cool Dick Cheney could get into this. (Heyo, tip your waitress, try the veal!!)

OK, here it is, the number one choice

CURLING!!
Who could have thought of a cooler sport? This is of the cloth of tabletop shuffle board at the Duchess, but bigger, and colder. It takes limited athletic skill (+), you could probably do it drunk (+) and you get to hang out with Johnson sisters (+). I don’t know how you can get any better than this. I think I could pay a top team to move here to Seattle to train here (and me). OK, all I need to do now is win the lottery. This is so genius!

Later,
The Herm

Why I didn't go to Gonzaga

Words can't describe this; video just watch.....

http://www.youtube.com/w/Gonzaga-Love?v=eGlHIBzIknc&search=gonzaga%20love

(appropriate for work viewing)

Playoffs Over/Under Bananza!!

I really dislike the east coast right now...

There has been more media coverage about how Peyton Manning (aka Chokerus Maximus) and Tom Brady (Prettius Lamus) are out of the playoffs than the two great NFC playoff teams that are left. Of course, it's warranted because we are inferior to the east coast markets because Carolina and Seattle are considered "small market" NFL teams. To that I say, "weak sauce" because the Panthers and the Seahawks are the two best teams left in the playoffs. The eye candy of the east coast, the Patriots and the Colts are out because they were beaten plain and simple. It wasn't because of bad calls (those went against the winning team, the Steelers), or lucky plays (wasn't that 102 yd interception return Brady's bad throw?). I'm tired of this crap, but it seems to continue.

This jerk off continues the Seattle bashing in an ignorant fashion. It's not like he's using the numbers to make his argument about ranking the final four quarterbacks, rather, he based it on ONE play by Hasselbeck. He conviently failed to mention that MVP Shaun Alexander went out in the first quarter and Hasselbeck carried the team for the remaining three quarters. He also forgot to mention the play on third and long in the third quarter to Jerivicious down the left sideline where Hasselbeck directed Joe to make a move away from the defender. What about the two clutch runs where Hasselbeck ran for a first down and a later one for a touchdown? What about how he had a higher QB rating the entire season than the four players ranked ahead of him? It's crap, this kid is a moron and I hope Hasselbeck makes him eat his ignorance.

With that said, it's over under time for the playoffs. Vegas will take bets on a variety of things, and the NFL playoffs are no exception. Here are the latest Vegas lines for things surrounding the Seahawks/Panthers match up:

.5 people that run out on the field during play
50 people that would do it if they were more drunk

25 domestic violence protestors in front of Qwest protesting Holmgren’s decision to let Locklear play
0 Seahawks fan that care
1 Fan that supports this solely because of the innocent until proven guilty principle (he should be getting everything that he has coming to him if he committed the crime)

1 replay of Julius Pepper's take-away TD run from last season
3 replays of Walter Jonepan-cakingng Peppers

40,000 drunk people aQwestst
5 people in Section 316 that get thrown out for puking and/or fighting

25 ESPN analysts that pick Carolina to win
1 ESPN analysts that pick Seattle to win (Michael Clayton)

4 mentions that Shaun Alexander chokes in the playoffs
2 mentions that he is the MVP

6 mentions that Tom Brady and/or Peyton Manning are out of the playoffs
.5 mentions that Hasselbeck had better passer ratings than both

2 highlights of Zorn to Largeant from the 1985 AFC Championship game
0 highlights of the Rick Mirer to Benny Blades connection

4 criticisms by commentators that the Hawks should not have let Ken Lucas leave
0 mentions that Trufant is a better corner

5 mentions that it rains in Seattle
0 that Seattle is the best city to live in the country

2 graphics displaying all the coaches that are now head coaches that worked for Bill Belichek
1 graphic that nobody cares

4 times in the broadcast that Alexander is a FA at the end of the season
0 analysts that realize signing LG Hutchinson is more important than signing Alexander

25 times in the game Mack Strong lays a perfect block for Alexander or Hasselbeck
0 mentions that he has been robbed of the Pro Bowl every year except for this season

6 mentions on how great Lofa Taputu has played this season
0 mentions about how every analyst criticized this selection on draft day

Straight line: ESPN's campus in Bristol CN will implode and be covered in 50 feet of snow if the Seahawks win this weekend.

I have 5 hundo on the last straight up line

Herm

Laid Back, With My Mind On My Money and My Money On My Mind

Coming straight from the streets of SE Bellevue...

For the first time in a month, the sun was out and I was able to roll to class with my windows down and Slipknot blasting. It was still cold so I was sure to turn on the seat warmers as I entered central Seattle. Well, my windows were down until I made a right on Cherry at 34th Ave and then I rolled them up as I entered the central district (see Michael Bolton in Office Space). I don't want to get any looks from the guy that looks like he's crossing the street in front of the AMPM on 23rd Ave but never crosses. Then some WT in a Chrysler Caprice roll up and pretend to just be chatting until some rock gets slanged (that's Eazy-E speak for "passed") through the window.

As I pass 14th out of the ghetto, I roll down my windows again in front of the ESL school. With the chorus of "Pulse of the Maggots" (If you want to take my life you can have it! (WE) are the pulse of the maggots!) blasting, I struck straight fear in the eyes of a pack of Asian students on their smoke break during class. As I glanced over with my menacing white Polo Ralph Lauren hat on, one was so terrified I would jump out and straight up gank him (gank is Eazy-E speak for "rob") he gave me the peace sign. That got me thinking as to the Japanese and other's chances at this year's World Baseball Classic. Man I am a G.

With the lengthy intro out of the way, the WBC will kick off it's inaugural year around the world in MLB's gratuitous attempt to create more revenue from third world countries in Latin America. Selig was licking his chops at the U.S.A.'s potential dominance in the classic until the roster of the Dominican Republic was unveiled. With a batting order that reads; Alfonso Soriano, Adrian Beltre, David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, Sammy Sosa, and Alex Rodriguez for starters, and speaking of starters, pitchers Pedro Martinez and Bartolo Colon round out the uber talent of the DR, Selig is totally crapping his pants. Our roster isn't too shabby either; Griffey, Bonds, Thome, Derek Lee, Texiera, Chipper Jones, and Johnny Damon, with pitchers (among others) Clemens, Johnson, Pettite, Schilling ect., the U.S.A. and D.R. are the favorites. Venezuela has the pitching, Puerto Rico has the batting (and some Puerto Rican guys), the Japanese have the technique, and the Chinese, well, ummmm, the Chinese have Communism and cheap electronics. The WBC is shaping out to be a pretty level playing field with the exception of Australia and the Netherlands (they have all those islands in the Caribbean and stuff like that, ohh, and Andruw Jones).

In other news:
UW beat UCLA in a comeback win down in LA. Lordmar's squad is finally playing with a bit of consistency and if Brockman can get 10-10 (or close to it) a night, UW is sitting pretty in Pac-10 play. Dolph Lundgren, aka Mike Jensen, is back, knocking down threes and playing terrible defense which cancel each other out for all you math nerds out there.

Seahawks RT Sean Locklear has joined my list of felons from last week because he played a little to rough trying to get his girl in line at Bell Town Billiards. She was apparently dancing with another man, and I know exactly who it was. It was the same guy that is always there that looks like Isiah Stanbeck and spits mad game at the ladies. I guess Locklear never heard the joke that starts: What do you say to a woman that has two black eyes? Seriously though, domestic violence isn't funny and is one of the most unreported abused crimes in the U.S.. I hope if he did commit a crime he gets prosecuted. At any rate, he'll be abused on Sunday by Carolina DE Julius Peppers.

Tomorrow check back for my NFL playoffs over/under extravaganza!

Herm

Boring Post, not gonna lie

Pardon the interruption, I'm the Herm and I foresee a sad, sad host on Monday....

The reigning leader of east coast bias, Tony Korheiser of ESPN's Pardon the Interruption absolutely ripped not only the Seahawks, but the entire city of Seattle earlier this week on national television. I watch PTI everyday, it's one of my favorite shows, and I have noticed that Tony has a problem with the west coast.

He's from NY, went to Binghamton University in one of the ugliest cities in the U.S. (behind Eugene). I've actually been to Binghamton on my way to Ithaca NY when I had to transfer buses. It smelled of failure and broken dreams.

He made it out of there somehow and now holds a spot as a senior sports writer for the Washington Post. Because he can lay claim to being from NY and DC, he is the most notable leader in the fight against the west coast.

I have bad news for you Tony. After you picked: 1) Washington over the Hawks; 2) The Pats over Denver; 3) Carolina over Chicago; and 4) The Colts barely winning over Pittsburgh, you will be 1-3 in your NFL picks this weekend. He is most pressing when it comes to Seattle, however, continuously bashing Seattle and everyone that lives here. He picked Tiki Barber over Alexander for NFL MVP. He thought Eli and Brunell should've been in the pro bowl. Tony, I understand your hometown love, but you're on national TV, be supportive of great teams and players across the country, not only those that reside east of the Mississippi. Because of this, I now Tivo Around the Horn instead of PTI because of your crap.

(Note: When the Hawks win, Tony will receive + or - 50 emails from me reminding him of the Foreskins loss)

In other news:

Ray got suspended for three games after being brutally attacked by some no name jerk off. Weak, the other guy came after him in the depths of the Key and only got five games. Hey Stern, what if it was a black player attacking a white player? Would your penalties have been the same? I think not.

Speaking of the NBA, could you get used to the Bellevue Super Sonics? It is being reported that team owners have been discussing plans with city officials and business leaders (including Kemper Freeman) about building a new arena where the Safeway distribution plant (Bel-Red Road) resides for the Supes. The only hitch is there may not be enough local labor to meet the chauffeur parking demands of Medina.

UW has had trouble putting teams away as of late, including last night over USC. Our starters are playing well except for the offensive fouls and turnovers. Clean that up Lordmar and you have final four talent....

UW football has landed some serious recruits from around the nation. Our class currently ranks 25th in the nation and 3rd in the Pac-10 behind USC and Cal.

Herm

Making That Paper

If only I had worked harder in high school....

When I was young, I thought the way to get ahead in life was to get my education and success would follow. Boy was I wrong. After receiving my grades from my first semester of law school, I have found out that public interest groups won't even let me volunteer for them for free this summer. Oh well, looks like another summer of slanging martinis and pizzas. Thanks college!

Luckily for people like Vince Young and Reggie Bush, they didn't listen to their parents and focused on sports instead. It's great that I can beat these guys in a educational contest, however, they will make more money in a year than I will in my whole life.

I could care less if football, basketball or whatever other athletes leave college early in order to pursue professional athletics. The whole point for higher education is to advance yourself economically by obtaining a higher degree of expertise than the next guy. What difference is it if Bush gets his degree in communications or he leaves early to the draft? About $2.7 million in forgone income if he stayed. I don't think any degree is worth $2.7 million in one year's time.

That's why Matt Leinart is a moron. I remember sportswriters saying how great it was that he stayed to finish his degree. Look what class he took to finish the degree, ballroom dancing. Leinart is a much better person for taking ballroom dance than he was before; or wait, if he left he would've been the Heisman trophy winner going into the draft and the #1 pick, and now he's a distant third in Heisman voting and the second best quarterback in the draft; oops. I'm sorry, if the cash is there now, go ahead kid, get paid, that's what I'd do. Law school could wait if I could be a NFL badass.

Now that all of the key players have declared, here is my first mock draft for the top ten picks:

1. Green Bay- RB Reggie Bush, USC
In a move with one minute left on the clock, Houston trades back five spots because they have a decent running back (Dominic Davis) and quarterback (David Carr) and are in desperate need of an O-line. Houston receives Green Bays 1st round, 3rd round, 5th round pick, next years 2nd round pick and Najeh Davenport in compensation. Green Bay does not re-sign free agent Ahman Green because Drew Rosenhaus squashed all respect for Green from the Green Bay organization. Shortly thereafter, Green points a gun at a teenager in a Taco Bell parking lot and gets an iPod nano and a burrito. Green Bay is once again a force in the NFC north with everyone healthy and free agent upgrades at OL.

2. New Orleans Saints- QB Matt Leinart, USC
After moving Aaron Brooks to the Bills in exchange for a D lineman, NO takes Leinart. As Leinart walks up to the podium, he gets on his cell phone and calls Archie Manning to figure out how the hell he is going to get out of playing in the ghetto. Archie Manning then reminds Leinart that he played for the Saints and that he won't help him. Leinart then runs away from the stage to pursue a career in professional Ball Room Dance.

3. Tennessee Titans- QB Vince Young, Texas
Probably the best move for a first round draft pick. After the Titans trade QB Billy Volek to the Dolphins for WR Booker, Vince sits pretty as the #2 QB and heir apparent to great teacher and all around guy, Steve McNair. He's also the first pick in the draft to not be playing for a new head coach. McNair will get hurt halfway through the season, and Vince leads the charge for the Titans to get into the playoffs.

4. New York Jets- QB Omar Jacobs, Bowling Green
In a surprising move, the Jets don't go for defense and instead opt for versatile QB Jacobs. Pennington can't get it done after surgery and new head coach Jim Haslett goes for a QB that looks like Aaron Brooks of old that he hopes won't underachievers. In the second round, the Jets get RB Jerome Harrison, WSU and are sitting pretty on O.

5. Houston- OT D'Brickashaw Ferguson, Virginia
Far and above the best OL in the draft, Houston addresses their main issue at O-Line and stick with Carr. Ferguson will provide Protection on the left side for years to come. In the second round, the take OT Winston Justice, USC for insurance.

6. Oakland- DE Mario Williams, NC St.
Williams in tandem with DT Sapp provide a pass rush that tears apart the AFC west in 06. Oakland picks up a solid pass rusher in hopes of improving their defense. They also pick up DE Okefor from Arizona in exchange for Kerry Collins as QB Kurt Warner retires and Marques Tuiasosopo takes over snapping duties in Oakland.

7. 49ers- LB A.J. Hawk, OSU
With Julian Peterson leaving in free agency (to the Jets) Hawk is an immediate starter for the 49ers. Some think they will go for a RB this early (Maroney?) but Nolan realizes the talented back-up RB Gore's potential.

8. Bills- DE Tamba Hali, Penn State
The Bills need help stopping the run and Hali can help because he has excellent lateral movement on the line of scrimmage. The Bills think first about going for DT Ngata from Oregon, but then they realize he is from Oregon, therefore he has no potential of achieving in the NFL (See Onterio Smith, Akili Smith, Joey Harrington and others for examples).

9. Lions- CB Jimmy Williams, VT
Williams can play SS, FS or CB for the Lions and provides speed and power for the Lions in the secondary. With a hopeless offense because of Harrington (he's from Oregon mind you) the Lions D needs to win games a la Chicago.

10. Cardinals- OT Eric Winston, FSU
The Cards don't go for another RB this year and stick with J.J. and draft OL help for their aging QB Collins. This does not, however, produce any more wins because the Cards will never win the NFC west, period.

Anyway, we'll see if this works out, likely not. Vince Young (in my personal opinion) should be #2 over Leinart, but the pros don't like his release. Whatever, the Titans will go to the playoffs next year and Vince will be a key factor and all of the other teams in the bottom ten will remain there in 06.

Herm

NFL: National Felons League

Hermnation is back and in full effect as Vanilla Ice would say....

After a long absence, Hermnation is back and more cutting edge for 06. Speaking of cutting, the NFL is known for a poetic display of combat and violence, and this piece is strictly devoted to those NFL stars who have an appetite for violence off the field or an appetite for illegal substances. These athletes would make Ron Artest say, "Hey yo, I ain't gonna F with that yo. Those people F people up, and that's real yo." (Hermnation, always straight from the source)

Maurice Clarett's career (aka downward spiral) and current activities (aka too bad Johnie Cochran has passed) has inspired me to look at my all time favorite ex-cons. The NFL has has been plagued (ESPN has been blessed) with numerous NFL stars that just can't leave it on the field. Here are my all time favorites (in order of dumbassness):

10. Maurice Clarett (Left Out, Denver)

The saga begins. After a spectacular freshman year, MC got a head bigger than mine (7 and 5/8ths bitches) and thought he could cut it in the NFL at age 19. A magistrate told him "Hell no yo" (according to Mike Williams) and he had to sit...and eat PopEye's. In combines he was slow and fat but got a blessing as a fourth round pick by Denver. Denver wised up and cut his fat ass and he then robbed two people outside a night club in Columbus. What was all this worth? One of those Nokia Cell phones from 2001 with a Matrix themed faceplate. Dumbass rating: 50

9. Mark Chumra (TE, Green Bay)

Remember Chewey? No, not the guy that saved the Rebellion a long time ago. I'm talking about the TE that likes the ladies, or should I say the teenie boppers? Well Chewey bopped a teenie that was even teenier in age (17 or so) and is now listed on the sexual predator list in WisconSIN. My favorite part about his foray into criminal activity, he was charged with "child enticement" what the hell is that? Dumbass rating: 60

8. Mark Gastineau (DE, various teams)

Gastineau never quite got it (drug possession, illegal gambling etc.) but ended up getting it in the end (pardon the pun, 11 months in Riker's for parole violations). I'm not mad at Gastineau for his crimes. I am more upset at him for his part in the worst TV show ever (behind Dr. Phil). Dumbass rating: 30 + 60 for Gastineau Girls= 90

7. Eugene Robinson (SS, Seahawks, Green Bay)

This award is mainly for his timing. The night before the Superbowl and days after he received the Bart Starr award from Athletes in Action, he dropped a whopping $40 for a hand job (a hand job? are you 15?) from an undercover policewoman. Wow. Dumbass rating: 100

6. Rae Carruth (WR and current "bitch" of Curly in Sing Sing)

Rae committed the most heinous crime in NFL history and the closest seat he'll ever reach to the Hall is one that is a few to the left of Satan. Rae wasn't even that good, so I view this as an attempt to make a name for himself. He is currently the MVP of Cell Block 42 for he "deep posts". Dumbass rating: Infinite (but he's only 6th because he wasn't going to have much of an NFL career anyway)

5. Jamal Lewis (RB, Ravens free agent 2006)

I usually will let people borrow my cell phone for a call, but I'd never let Jamal use mine. He tried to hook up some H for a friend ($25,000 worth) and saw 4 months in lock-up. The good news: some desperate team will pay him good money as a free agent after a 2.8 yd/carry season in 2005 because he holds the record for yards in a game (double props because he called it the day before) and a 2,000yd season. Dumbass rating: 110 because he's still getting paid

4. Romo (LB Denver, Oakland)

The poster boy for steroids, Romo not only has been brought up on drug charges, he also clocked a backup tight end in the FACE with his helmet. "I'm sorry your honor, the drugs made me do it." No pity for you cheater, eat a D and sit at the right hand of Palmeiro for permanent placement on the blacklist. Also, Romo is reported to bigot racist and will soon join Carruth in Hell. Dumbass rating: 0 (I'm scared he'll rage into my house and kill me)

3. Michael Irvin (WR, Dallas)

The ESPN sports desk has been permanently tainted because Irvin's White Pony took a fat dump on it in during commercials. The guy just can't have enough. What more do you want? He should've listened to No. 2's advice in "The Waterboy", "and with that kids, as I always say, don't do drugs." Dumbass rating: 200 because he hasn't learned his lesson

2. Laurence Taylor (Thunderbolt, NY Giants)

Another poster boy for drug use, LT had about as many sacks as he did lines in Studio 54. He broke many bones of opposing quarterbacks and them attempted to smoke them because reporters said he "cracked" them, and therefore thought they were themselves crack (bad joke, sorry). Sorry LT, but you paved the way for Irvin and continue to make petty drug users look GOOD. Dumbass rating: 300 because Irvin was inspired by his activities

And for my number one

OJ (Shocker!!!!!!)

In trying to find some things to say about OJ, my sources did not provide me any information. The White Bronco wouldn't return my calls and the Leather Glove is reportedly out of the country. Dumbass Rating: Infinite (mostly because he is responsible for launching the career of Cato Kailen)

Honorable Mention: Ray Lewis, Warren Moon, Todd Marinovich, Lawerence Phillips, Barrett Robbins, Randy Moss, Dante Culpepper, Ontario Smith, Koren Robinson (seeing a theme here?), Jeremy Stevens, Nate Newton, Justin Sterlyzck (RIP), Chris Terry, Keno Hills, Suge Knight (he played for the Chiefs), Alonzo Spellman, Darrell Russel (RIP), Jim Dun-away (like his wife), Gene Atkins, Corey Fuller, and Sabastian Janikowski.

OK, I'll update everyday so as Ron Artest would say, "Check it out yo like my new album, it's hotter than hell according to Carruth!!"

Herm

(Disclaimer--the above facts are based on true situations but many assumptions and embellishments have been made. This is meant to be a satire, nothing more. Romo, if you want to sue me, hop in line, and I'll take the site down.)

Hermnation: A State of Disarray

The neglect of Hermnation was not from a hurricane, but it''s been because of a job.

Yes I know that car in the picture looks like my G35 but it's not. This picture just reminded me of Hermnation because it has been neglected. I want to apologize to my fans and I hope that you will all check out Hermnation again once school starts and I have more time to devote to the site. I've been working over 50 hours a week in a bar which really drains you. The rest of my time has been devoted to my lovely girlfriend and the occassional beer.

Please check back by Jan 8 because thats when the new era of Hermnation begins (and when I quit my job).

Happy New Year, Get Blitzed!!!!!
Herm

Seattle: The New West Coast

What exactly does California have to offer when it comes to sports?

One problem that we who fight the fight against East Coast bias face today is the emergence of new markets on the west coast. The power is shifting away from local powerhouse California and shifting north, way north. Yes, California has more to offer in sense of quantity (3 NFL, 4 NBA, 5 MLB, 6 legitimate NCAA football teams and countless NCAA basketball teams) however the quality in comparison to other major sports markets like NY, Boston and Chicago is lacking. Currently, USC is the only championship contender of the bunch (OK Angels fans I hear you) while Washington has three (UW B-Ball, Gonzaga, and, of course, the Hawks). What's going on here?

The answer is simple, Seattle, one of the wealthiest metropolitan areas in the U.S., is commited to sports and team play more than California. How does one exactly gauge that? California as a state is divided when it comes to their sports teams. I don't care how large the population is, rivalry should not lie within the boundaries of one city. Laker fans are switching to the Clippers. The Bay area is surrounding the San Diego Chargers, only to leave them in hopes for the next season. Marketing has taken over the concept of professional sports rather than team play. Why are the Lakers so bad? The rapest, I mean Kobe, takes a million shots a game and their coach has an ego larger than the entire team combined. The Raiders sign Randy Moss for ticket sales without addressing their linebacking corp or their O-line inefficiences. Even the Kings get in on this action with a terrible showing pregame in their opener of the slums of Detroit (their oppenant that evening) and making a laughing stock of an entire community.

Seattle, meanwhile, depends on winning as an approach to gethering interest. The Hawks have stuck with Holmgren, through thick and thin and it's paying off. Rather than UW getting a coach committing to win at all costs NOW, Willingham was signed in order to build a TEAM, not ticket sales. I don't even need to mention Lordmar and UW B-Ball (currently 10th in the nation) or Mark Few who repeatedly turns down other offers to stay home. The Mariners have depended on their farm system for all of their great players (Griffy, A-Rod, Hernandez and many others in recent years) rather than cheating (ahem, NY and Boston). Nate Mac was homegrown and traveled a little bit down the road, but look at what he accomplished, getting a team to the playoffs ranked 27th in the NBA coming into the season last year.

The athletes created locally are remarkebly better as well, and are staying home. Jake Locker is the future of UW football and look at what all the Seattle talent has done for UW B-ball. I'm not saying Seattle is the best sports town in the country, but based on our population numbers and the quality of play, there is little to complain about (Mariners fans: it was only 4 years ago we won 116 games).

In other news:
The 49ers O-line protected Alex Smith as much as a broken condom on Sunday and the Hawks rolled 41-3. Thats 83-3 in our last two games kiddies...

UW B-Ball looked like crap on Sat. but that's OK, we still won. Lordmar did a great job in biting his toungue postgame, I know it was unleashed like a sorority girl on a pizza in the locker room. Another great outing by one of my new favorite players, Hans Gasser in clutch time.

Gonzaga and ultra hippie (read the ESPN magazine article and you'll understand) Adam Morrison got lucky, a la Duke over VT, and won on a three pointer as time expired. Because of that, Gonzaga fell out of the top ten and UW is the new king in the state, beyatch!!!!

Meanwhile, I just recieved a quote from OU coach Belotti regarding their snub from a BCS bowl in favor for Ohio State and Notre Dame, "Quack qua quack quack quack. Quack, quack quack; quack qua quack quack quack quack."

Knight also gave his input, complaining about all he spent on OU and they don't get a BCS bowl, "Quack quack quack, sweatshops quack quack millions. Quack qua quack qua qua qua quack quack explotation of third world countries quack."

QUACK!
Herm

Seriously...do SOMETHING?!!

Ok, I know the picture has our old coach, but the point is still the same...

The Seattle Mariners are bleeding out their sides right now in desperate need for a kick and the pants, and so far Mariner's GM Bill Bavasi has done....nothing. Bavasi has only taken one of the one hundred steps needed in order to turn this team around and start winning again. That one step was signing Jamie Moyer to continue another year. But the problems that the Mariner's face are dire, and need to be addressed with a full frontal assault. So far the assualt has been a calling agents on cell phones and repeated denials. There is only one bright spot on the current Mariners team, the young Felix Hernandez, but the rest of the team is either unhappy or not producing.

Every successful baseball franchise has quality around the bases, but this is something the Mariners don't have:

1B: Richie Sexson, great HR and RBI, but BA is lacking, and so is clubhouse leadership
2B: Bentacourt, great in the field, but no offense (15 RBI in 215 AB)
SS: Morse, great offensive potential, but did you seen him at SS and LF, errors galore
3B: Beltre, BA terrible (.253) RBI OK, but not worth what we're paying him
LF: Ibanez, good hitter, but aging and can't run around like he used to
CF: Reed, has potential, highlight reel catches, but offense needs work
RF: Only player that is producing on both sides of the ball, but unhappy with the M's for slacking
C: I don't even know who it is anymore. Rivera or Wiki? Either way, too early to tell
DH: Same as C, seems like a good position for Ibanez but we need a LF
P: Don't even get me started, 2 good starters(Hernandez and Moyer), 1 1/2 good set up guy (Putz and Hasegawa), 1 closer (Guardado), other than that there's nothing

Unless Hernandez can start every other game, the Mariner's starting pitching doesn't stand a chance because our offense is so streaky and overpaid, they just can't put up the runs needed on a consistent basis.

Here's what I propose:
Trade for Miguel Tejada (Maybe Morse, Soriano and some minor leaguers could be used) to upgrade at SS and give us some much needed offense.

Sign free agent Mike Piazza for help at catcher, but more for a useful DH.

And for the love of god get some pitching. We're out of the running for Matt Morris as of tonight and weren't even close to signing anyone else, great job Bavasi.

The more likely situation:
Deal Ibanez to acquire some minor league pitching. Other than that, place trust in the farm system and save your money, they're be better deals next year.

Players like Tejada and Piazza would provide short term help, but Seattle has always done well with player development and hopefully that trend will continue. But Bavasi, you better pray for that player developement becuase you may lose your job because of this offseason. Good luck.

In other news,
No suprises in the Heisman, Bush won by a landslide. I feel bad for Vince Young, Bush wasn't that much better or important to the team as him. Either way, I'm excited to watch them both in the Rose Bowl, and in the NFL next year.

UW beat New Mexico 81-71 in a very sloppy game. I think that UW had 18 turnovers and were only 2-10 from behind the arc. Jamaal Williams played well against his former team, but what was more impressive to me was the quality minutes Hans Gasser has played. In the Gonzaga victory, he made some big plays in crunch time. Today, when NM went on a run and closed the UW lead to 1, Hans made three baskets in a row and D'd up on the reverse end. I like him, in 15 min he had 6 points and 5 boards, not turnovers and no bad shots. He does his job plain and simple. I hope Romar gives him some more minutes in the coming weeks.

Gonzaga got lucky and beat OSU in Key Arena today. Adam "Stache" Morrison hit a 3 pointer as time expired for the victory. I'm glad they won, but come on Gonzaga, make our victory over you look better. You should've blown OSU out.

Anyway, go Hawks,

Herm

Soccer...Fun With Balls!!!!

Yes, I am American, and I love the NFL, but there is a place for soccer in this world as well...

The world cup brackets came out today and millions watched, like 350,000,000 people (no joke). Comparing that to last years Superbowl (75,000,000), the rankings show is 4.6 times more popular than the NFL championship. Why is America practically the only country that doesn't care about soccer? The answer is easy: 1) we're a country with way cooler sports on TV like football, baseball and basketball and we don't have time to watch soccer; and 2) everyone kid knows that if you want to get chicks in high school, the easiest way to do it is by playing football in the fall, not soccer. If soccer was the only thing on in the coutry you lived, you'd have to like soccer by default, not choice.

Go America!
Yay for freedom of choice!

For those of us who watch soccer once every four years, the World Cup is a short time away. Looking at the rankings and the brackets, the U.S. is in some serious trouble:

(country/international rank according to SI)(Note: teams without a top 50 ranking were given a 55)

Group A----> Winner: Germany (home field advantage)
Germany 15
Costa Rica 20
Poland 26
Ecuador 55
Total 116

Group B----> Winner: England (I'm half English)
England 9
Paraguay 55
Trinidad 55
Sweden 13
Total 132

Group C----> Winner: The Netherlands (I'm half Dutch)
Argentina 4
Ivory Cst. 48
Srb & Mont 42
Netherlands 2
Total 96

Group D----> Winner: Mexico (Ci guay!!)
Mexico 6
Iran 21
Angola 55
Portugal 10
Total 92

Group E----> Winner: U.S. over the Czechs (I'm biased)
Italy 12
Ghana 55
U.S. 7
Czech Rep 3
Total: 77

Group F----> Winner: BRA-zil (Duhhh)
Brazil 1
Croatia 19
Australia 55
Japan 16
Total 91

Group G----> Winner: South Korea (I hate France)
France 5
Switzerland 38
South Korea 29
Togo 50
Total 122

Group H----> Winner: Tunisia (Africa has to win at something)
Spain 8
Ukraine 39
Tunisia 27
Saudi Arabia 31
Total 105

Looking at the total rankings for each group, it shows that the U.S. has the hardest grouping (a 77 total with three countries in the top 15) and England has the easiest (two countries not ranked). However, in light of the hardest grouping, group E will serve as the most intriguing group in the cup. Perenial favorite Italy has been grouped with two very good and very young teams in the U.S. and the Czech Republic. The U.S. and the C.R. are newcomers to the top tier of international soccer, so this is a great test of the future of those country's soccer hopes.

With the MLS dreadfully sucking in comparison to the soccer leagues in the rest of the world, the U.S. hopefuls may show that the MLS has some talent and the U.S. just doesn't care. I see a rise in viewers in the coming six months after the cup, but beyond that, soccer just does not have any hope in the U.S. due to the competition. I look at soccer in the U.S. sports realm like the salad at McDonalds, when you could have a Big Mac, Chicken McNuggets or a Quarter Pounder, why one earth would you want a salad? (Unless you are a girl) I honestly hope that the MLS would catch on in the U.S., but reality shows that just won't happen.

Anyway, you won't hear much about soccer from here on out, for those of you I have offended for not talking at length about real sports, I'm sorry.

Later,

Herm